Buffy's 2008 Great Arizona Adventure

This is a story that starts out innocent but travels down an ugly highway. This is the way that I remember it, Buffy has a clouded sense of adventure and probably would tell a little different story, but this is the actual story. Some of the names have been changed to protect the innocent, some of the names are actual to expose the guilty, but the accounts are all true, at least in my mind.

There is this guy who thinks he was “born to ride” and usually invites some unsuspecting fool to “share” in his adventure. I am this fool.

DAY ONE

I knew we were in trouble when I said “It has been snowing in the higher elevations lately.” But I didn’t know that he didn’t want to acknowledge the FACTS and go on this adventure anyway. So off he goes to rent a motorcycle. Who in their right mind would rent this guy a brand new black 2008 Harley Classic with road pegs and a back rest. Didn’t they check his license and see he is from Silvis, Illinois. If I had any money invested in this Harley dealership I would fire the guy who signed this transaction. It was going well until the salesman decides to tell Buffy “in order to rent this motorcycle I must get an agreement that you know it is MANDATORY that you ride with a helmet.” Well I had to walk away from the conversation otherwise I would have blown the whole deal with a gigantic RIGHT. Didn’t you see the $50.00 doo rag that he brought with him? What do you think he is going to be wearing………… the helmet ……… or the “Cool” rag.

Remember I know this guy thinks he is Peter Fonda and thoughts go through my head with Peter Fonda and Dennis Hopper riding down the highway in “Easy Rider.” But with all of that aside lets go on with the story.

Buffy has us riding about 3,000 miles in 2 or 3 days (really about 800 but it seems a lot farther). Lets take off out of Apache Junction and go southeast over some 2 lane blacktop, that reminds me of another movie but that’s beside the point, and we should be halfway there by tonight. OK lets back up a minute. My butt has never been on a motorcycle for any more than 2 or 3 hours, IN MY LIFETIME. I have already come from Casa Grande, Arizona which is about 57 miles. And another thing, did I tell you I am retired. I forgot that 6:00 comes twice in one day and we haven’t been together for a mile yet and I have endured lack of sleep, a very chilly ride (little did I know that chilly was not what was in store for Buffy and his fool) and now I have to listen to how easy this is going to be…………… oh yea………. And fun!!!!!!!!

For those of you still in the “North”, spring has sprung in Arizona and hasn’t hit 100 yet but not by lack of trying. Upper nineties with, get this, 2% that’s right 2% humidity. It’s a DRY HEAT!

So lets go over the itinerary, we are in Apache Junction Superstition Harley Davidson, with the dumbest salesman alive, and we are going east on Route 60, through Globe, down Rte 70 through San Carlos, Thatcher, Safford and Clifton. To put us back into perspective, that trip is as far as my butt has ever gone on a motorcycle and Peter wants in done in one day. Oh yea…. We were supposed to be out of there by 9:15 or so because this “salesman” said he would get him out of there quickly. Have you ever heard a salesman say that before?

OK, its is about 10:15 so we are not far behind schedule. Off we go……… All the traffic in the Phoenix area hate motorcyclists and two “newbie’s” have just got on the highway. OK, one newbie and Easy Rider. The speed limit signs should be taken down and never put back up. Phoenix or the Arizona Department of Transportation could save millions of dollars by not putting these useless and ignored signs along the highway. That should be someone’s slogan running for Governor……….. “No More Signs.”

We have packed everything that we might ever need. This is kinda jumping ahead but Peter Fonda has a couple of jackets, hooded sweatshirts and 3 pairs of gloves in his stash. Little did the “Fool” know that we were going to desperately need them later.

The clothes are in the motorcycles, the cameras and yes ALL of the phone chargers that usually reside in greater downtown Silvis area are now on the road with Peter. Pam, the unsuspecting wife, has no way of charging her phone. I will let you paint that picture. So after an hour or so on the road we decide to take some pictures. We stop at Superior, AZ at a mining area and, along with about 6 Motoguzzi riders, take some pictures of the devastation mankind has done to the landscape.

The ride is getting better, the traffic is lessened and the mountains are beautiful. Up until now we have had a mixture of mountains and high plains with nothing but scrub trees and mesquite bush. Occasional cactus that are in bloom keeps me interested. We have now arrived at a town called Morenci, AZ and have gained some 4000 feet in elevation. Remember what I said earlier about elevation? It’s about 100 miles to Easy Riders goal for today, Eagar, AZ.

So here we go………. This has got to be one of the most mountainous regions of Arizona. It’s Greenlee County and its known for its beauty. The first sign of any possible problem are signs saying “No service for 100 miles.” Not to worry I am with the “Easy Rider.” We start climbing elevation and its starting to get cool, then cooler, then cold. I have never even thought of getting frostbite in April, almost May. Peter gets into his saddle bags and gets on a hooded sweatshirt and fingered “winter” gloves. Why didn’t he tell me about that stuff or even warn me that I might need them? Did I tell you that I have been in the south for 2 years and am prone to catching a chill pretty easy? Oh well, we are still going up…………. And the farther we go up the less traffic we see. No I mean there is absolutely no one on this road. Now I have visions of freezing to death over night unless we strip naked and “spoon”. I want to be in the back! But it’s not dark yet and we keep going. Now my thoughts are like Donner’s Pass and we have to kill and eat each other to stay alive. One’s mind does tricky things when it looks in the face of death.

Try not to think of that and listens to the radio………… oh no wait……… we are so far away from everything the radio has nothing but static, is that a sign of you have gone too far and there is no return? I now have to admit that my last known human that I have to look at is…… Buffy. Now I am determined to escape this hell and make it through. We are now in the vicinity of Rose Peak, 8,786 feet. Have you ever been in a plane at 9,000 feet and opened the window ………………….. I don’t have to tell most of you, the ones not from Silvis, that it is REAL COLD.

The time thing is getting serious now, we have been on this abandon road for about 5 hours, going up and around corners and hoping I live through this to see another exciting day on top of my steel horse ( I got that from Bon Jovi). No wait, there is a town, or at least a house. No it is a gas station and a nice sign that says “Welcome to Alpine.”

So we fuel up and ask for a place to spend the night, good news it is right up the road. Now I haven’t looked up the population for Alpine but, well I just did and it’s not even listed and Alpine can’t have any more than 50 people in it, and that’s counting us. So we go about a half a block down the road and sure enough there is a nice little roadside motel.

Up until now I have kind of kept my wandering mind focused but what is the first thing you think about when you are in a nowhere town and a nice motel manager says “Welcome and I hope you enjoy your stay with us”…………….. for how long…….. Are we going to taken alive and treated as slaves to gut and clean all of the elk they have SHOT today? Just how many of them have guns…………… all of them you say!

The motel seems to be normal, but that is how all of the movies start out ……..then they change. So we leave the office and go to “Number 9, Number 9” and sure enough the keys work.

The driveway beautification that took place earlier has really helped……. It’s rocks….. Large enough to do funny things to a motorcycle trying to navigate into a parking place.

But maybe we have the whole place to ourselves because it doesn’t seem to be busy. The manager said the elk cross the road and feed in the field at dusk………. Should be an exciting picture. We unload the baggage into the room and go on an adventure for supper. The restaurant is about a half a block east of the gas station, that was probably planned by the city manger for easier travel by all of the tourist that visit here each year.

You could almost hear “Deliverance “ in the background especially when we entered the restaurant. Nice little place……….. Clean…………old toothless women with aprons on……… just like Silvis. The youngest one comes to our table and waits on us and tries hard not to commit to the heat of the hot sauce that comes with the tortilla chips. She says “I like it.” I thought I am on an adventure so I will try the enchiladas, she said she liked them and Easy had a burger. The Mexican meal was OK but I was sure not going to put on my glasses because I really didn’t want to see what they were made of. About this time, almost dark, the town came alive. The restaurant must have had 15-20 people in it and it just a buzzin’ with talk. We finished and decided to go see the elk.

Buffy decides that we have to drink so he goes to the only liquor store in town, the gas station and picks up Bud Light, they say free beer is all good.

Well we got back to “Hitchcock’s Bates” motel (not really it was the Sportsman’s) the parking lot was full as a matter of fact it was over full. Well, Easy started a conversation with one of the guys from deliverance and his cohort about huntin‘, not sure what relationship they had and I really didn’t want to know. Seems they were up here huntin’ turkeys, but they had been up here huntin’ elk and the guy next door at the welding shop, kind of a strange fellow he said would take the elk to the butcher, process it, freeze it and send it to you. Hell of a nice gesture ifn’ ya got an elk. Now this guy is standing outside the motel room with his “Larry the Cable Guy” camouflaged long underwear on talking to us, so he can’t be all bad.

He had set of binoculars and he let us try to see the elk across the road. Well guess what time it is …………………dark. We can’t see nothing.

Well there is a little deliverance in Buffy and his idea of a cooler might be………… a bag of ice in the bathroom sink. It worked and the beer stayed cold. The funny part is that the first three beers that Buffy has ….doesn’t have time to get warm. He scared me because I thought we were having some college initiation game and we were both going to have to drink until the Bates Motel came alive, which could have been anytime now.

So now we are really getting relaxed, laying naked on the single bed, watching the black and white TV…………. No not really……….. We each have our own bed and a color TV with cable if we were smart enough to figure out how to use it. That’s where I come in…….. you see this is why Easy Rider brings someone with him………. For situations just like this………. So I figured it out and we continued to slowly fall asleep as we watched…………… I have no idea what we watched. Oh well. We fell asleep. He fell first……….. Sounded like a rod knocking in some 1925 John Deere…………. My gosh he can’t keep this up all night? Well I finally fell asleep but about an hour later I woke to this tremendous noise that I can’t even find words to describe, I not sure that Webster ever made up words to describe the noise I heard. But it was time to shut off the TV and turn off the light, so I did. Took me about an hour to situate myself so I couldn’t hear the noise so much and back asleep.

Another hour goes by………….. I wake up this time to silence………………….. Did he die? Am I going to have to do CPR on him? Or does Pam have a nice policy so I can just wait and see if he awakens in the morning? I chose the latter.

So neither one of us died in the night at Bates Motel and at daybreak or a little sooner, Buffy gets up and decides to shower and be real quiet so I can sleep. Did I tell you that I am retired and maybe sleep a little longer than I used to? His idea of quiet and mine are just a little different. He showers and does whatever and when he is through he sits in a chair at the end of my bed and just sits there. How many of you have felt someone’s presence when you are not aware of their being close to you………….well I did. So ….OK…. Lets get up and start our fun filled second day of the great adventure. It surely can’t be like the first day………..or can it! Oh by the way, the lofty goal of Eagar, Arizona was missed by just 28 miles………….. So close.

DAY TWO

Can you believe that I am still here and looking forward to this day…………. I can’t.
Are we going to the “Deliverance” café for breakfast?…………….. NO…… lets go to Eagar, where we should have been yesterday. Here we are 28 miles later at Eagar with nowhere to eat………….. So onward and upward to Springerville. Nice little Ma & Pa Restaurant………….. Go in ……..sit down………. Order breakfast………….. The Easy Rider orders Mexican breakfast!!!!!!!! Oh well he ate it.

Back on the bikes, just outside of town the wind begins to pick. I grab onto the handlebars with a little more conviction and down the road we go. We go less than a half an hour and I am looking for a seat belt for this thing!! The cross winds, at a guess, are about 40 to 50 mph. If you have never rode a “steel horse” at 65 mph down a mountainous 2 lane blacktop while being hit by a 40-50 mph crosswind you haven’t lived and the Easy Rider refers to you as pansies. I been there…………… and lived through it. Now that would be bad enough but we kept stopping to see if anyone could tell us if this was going to stop. A 7-11 gas tanker driver said that after you get over the peak it should stop………… he didn’t know s*&$#. We went over one peak with no change except maybe to get worse. Now that you have the picture of the wind now go back to yesterday and bring in some of that Donner’s Pass chill. We are at 5,000 feet, less than 55 degrees, two lane blacktop, crosswinds at 45 mph…………… I can’t remember ever having this much fun.

OK we have made it this far………let’s keep going. The thought of loosing the wind and adding the sun once we leave the trees adds to this accomplishment of a great adventure. Well it happened, the wind subsided and trees disappeared so now we have to stop to shed some clothes. So we lose the coats but still a little chilly. Looking forward to Show Low and then Payson, you see this is what they call the rim and the landscape is amazing. The more altitude we lose the warmer it gets and the true Arizona starts returning. I believe that Payson is still approximately 6,000 feet above sea level so still chilly. We start downhill again and sure enough they work on the roads in Arizona too. Well that will slow you down and then the sun gets a chance to burn you more. I am so wind burned and sunburned that I can’t touch my face. That’s another thing that we brought ……sun block but most of time we forgot we had it. My inside of my arms looks like they have on the grill about 5 minutes short of being done……………..ugly.

The only reason that am going on is that Buffy said his son, lets call him Jesse, was in Camp Verde and would put us up for the night. On the way he enticed me with names like the town of Strawberry and Pine. With names like they had to be a site to see. Well I guess today was a little better than yesterday but not really…………. Did I tell you the wind was blowing? We finally got to Camp Verde………….. I have been here before because other friends, Mike & Sue Radford bought 12 acres very, very near here.

We have to keep ourselves busy because some people have to work for a living and won’t be home for a while. There is a National Attraction called Montezuma’s Castle. So Buffy and I went to see how the Indians lived here 800 years ago.

They built multi-level homes on the side of a cliff in the rocks and had to get access via ladders. The Park Ranger told us stories about the tribe and some facts that were very interesting. The only problem was that he was talking to two guys that can hide their own Easter eggs. Within a half an hour……….. Or so neither one of us could describe how many ladders it took for access to their homes. And we tried to remember………… that’s sad.

So now we go back to “Jesse’s” camper home away from home.

The Arizona temps are up now and the location of our temporary home yields no shade. OK…… lets put out the awning and sit in the breeze and cool off. The breeze is about 20-25 mph and it would way too much for the awning………… OK………. Lets sit and have a beer…………. What do you mean, he has no chairs? Do I have to remind you that he is the son of Buffy? Oh well, we have been sitting for a couple of days so it would do us good to stand for awhile.

Some about this time there was a gauntlet thrown to see how much beer we could drink………. Again I think of a college initiation game and looking for a way out of this. Lets find a vehicle that we all can fit in. Well that might be a problem. It seems that the working guy uses his truck for an office, among other things. If he would clean that truck out, he could probably build himself a mountain to ride his 4 wheelers on. We feed the monsters and then back to the camper, not like my camper, this is a camper but nice. There is a full size bed in the front of the camper, bunk beds in the rear of the camper and the table folds down into a bed…………….OK. The working guy, the youngest, the strongest gets the full size bed with all of the blankets known to man, in this camper and the only two pillows. The guy that goes pee ten times a night gets the rear bedroom and I get the only bed that is made of flat steel with the pillow that is made of something equal to a ceramic tile. Now I can get by but………. The youngest also has to get up at 4:00am and going to work, his father is usually up looking for something to do and ………….did I tell you I am retired and like to sleep a little longer than I used to? Well anyway I am right in the middle of all of this. The beer drinking continues until the name calling starts and the working guy makes up stuff about if this was a weekend he would kick some $%# and drink everyone under the table……………… maybe I should have tried under the table …………..maybe softer!!!!

The beds find their keepers for the night……….. About three hours ago we were sitting in the camper with the door open and the air conditioner on but now it’s after dark, the sun is down and the two heaters are now on and running??? The old man in the rear is complaining, no commenting on the heat being emitted by these two heaters but tries to go to sleep anyway. He must have shut the door because I didn’t hear the John Deere this night.

DAY THREE

Very, very early the alarm goes off. The worker of this group must have a system in place because he ignores the alarm, but it goes off again in about 4 minutes, so ignore it again, it goes off again in about 4 minutes, this time he hits it, I think, then some other alarm goes off, maybe his cell phone and he ignores it. This kid is good, I don’t remember ever ignoring this many alarms. This happens about three more times and he decides he needs to get up. I think him and his Dad flip a coin to see who gets the bathroom first……….. Not sure who won………….. I am trying to ignore this all of this commotion this early in the morning. Finally we got the bathroom out of the way and the working guy leaves and now Buffy has to find something to do for about three hours. First I need to back up and place an “atta boy” on whoever covered me with the youngest guy’s blanket. That was good. Did you forget about the ceramic tile pillow? Thanks though, it’s the thought that counts. Buffy did good because he didn’t wake me up nor did he sit and watch me, either that or I am getting used to it. It’s now getting warm outside with the heaters still working inside. All of a sudden the air conditioner kicks on………. Seems we didn’t shut it off yesterday and the thermostat decided it wanted “cool” . So time to venture into day three.

One exit down the highway is “America’s Meat & Potatoes”, McDonalds so we head for that. We have to get everything out of the house and lock it up and hide the key………… right………. Everyone that has ever had a camper hides the key in the same place. We fill our desires for food or whatever McDonalds has and we no, …. Buffy has decided that we need to return to Payson to go to Phoenix. Now if anyone out there has a map, would you please, next time you see Buffy, tell him that south on Interstate 17 from Camp Verde takes you right into Phoenix. But it was a nice ride from Payson and this is Buffy’s 2008 Great Arizona Adventure so we went back to Payson. We shed clothes early because the sun was up and we are now at the lower altitude that allows you to burn to a crisp. Through Payson south to Apache Junction, nice ride through winding roads. Some construction but we get through regardless our the leader, Buffy. We stop at a parking lot for some unknown reason and discuss the reasons the parking lot is locked up in the middle of absolutely nowhere. That was fun. The decision has been made that we go to Tortilla Flats for lunch…………….OK…………. We somehow find our way and try to take the corners as fast as we can without hurting ourselves. The cars just pull off as soon as possible and let us go by. The lunch was kind of uneventful but good. Buffy had a bowl of soup that wasn’t big enough for a snack but he said it was good and enough to eat.

We walked around looking for snakes.

Buffy evidently would like to have a rattlesnake to take home and keep as a pet. He says that rattlesnakes are just misunderstood and really are good for the ecology and should be distributed across the United States. OK………… so much for the “Green “ talk.

Lets stop at Goldfield Ghost Town and have a beer………………OK. We pulled into the parking lot and one of the help was cooking himself and the bartender some ribs. Hey…………. Take a picture of us………….. OK…………… but I need to ride your bike!!!!!! NO…. we have been working on my cousins bike and we have it fixed except it has a gas leak at the bottom of the carb. NO……….. what part of NO don’t you understand.

We wander into the bar and the bartender is at the end of the bar with a gun strapped on and a cowboy hat. It takes him a few minutes but he said “What can I get for my fellow citizens?” How about a Bud Light, for the leader of this pack and a Miller Lite for the sidekick. OK on the Bud Light but I don’t sell Miller products and never will……………. OK what do you have………… Coors………………. OK a Coors Light. As he delivers the beer he said “Do you want to now why I don’t sell Miller products?”…………… Sure………….. And he went on for about 10 minutes on the reasons and brought in Obama, Louis Faricon and a few other people that I am not sure how we got there. So we figured he was lonely and listened…………….. He was from Greece but was born somewhere else ( back to that hiding your own Easter eggs thing) but he was a neat guy. About the time to leave this Nerd, sorry but it’s true, came up and started talking to the Easy Rider and was boring but again Buffy is so caring and interested in the Nerds of America that he stayed for another 3 or 4 minutes. Walking out the door the bus boy thought he would try it one more time and said” One of those bikes is rented?”………. Yes…………. “Can I ride it?”…………………..NO.

So onto the nearest gas station to Superstition Harley and onto our separate ways after three days of, about as much fun as I can stand. Of course I still had 57 miles to go through the same Phoenix traffic that tried to kill us on the first day of our ride, but Buffy was happy and all is well.

And that is the way Buffy’s 2008 Great Arizona Adventure went.

P.S.

To sum it up in a couple of sentences:

One of the most beautiful rides that one can imagine.The mountains and scenery are beyond pictures so these pics are just to take up space in our minds.

If you ever get a chance to spend time with a good friend and his family, take it because we have been honored with friends and the time you take to pay back the friendship will be worth every minute.

Thanks